Feeling “Cool”

The other day my daughter asked me what I wear when I want to feel “cool” and confident. I had to stop and think for a moment. First of all, I wanted to appreciate the fact that my daughter actually believed there are moments in my life where I feel cool. Second of all, the answer didn’t spring immediately to mind. After all, the current world lends itself more to days spent in pajama pants and ratty sweatshirts rather than confident, go-get-em outfits.

My daughter relies a lot on favorite outfits to give her confidence. She is a shy teenager and the current world does not do much to help her overcome that. When you can’t have a social life because there is a pandemic going on then you can’t deal with your social anxiety. All summer, her favorite piece of clothing was an increasingly junky pair of shorts. She wore them and she felt like she could deal with anything life threw at her or at least she could give it a try. When the cooler weather hit (and I declared the shorts too junky for general wear) she had to pick a new favorite item. Now she loves and happily wears an olive green jacket that she has customized with enamel pins and an iron-on patch. She is even happier with it than she was with her pair of shorts.

I think part of her love for the jacket is that she feels like it looks good on her but I also think she loves it because it represents a bit about who she is. The pins and the patches are of things she loves and the jacket style is, well, she says “cool.” As a shy kid, communicating with what you wear is a good way of communicating. It is a way of reaching out and a way of armoring yourself against others. If people are interested in her they can understand her a bit better by looking at her jacket decorations. If they aren’t interested then the jacket somehow reinforces in her own mind who she is and how interesting she is.

Of course, we all hope our clothing choices express our personality. However, sometimes we get caught up in what is convenient or what is appropriate. We wear what is expected when it is expected. We wear what fits the dress code or what is practical. That feeling of confidence can be lost.

My daughter bounces with happiness when she can wear her favorite jacket. She walks a little taller and moves with more confidence. I thought about it and realized I have items of clothing that make me feel the same way–a leather jacket, Doc Marten boots that are gloriously clompy. I love them because I feel like they show a side of me that is not immediately obvious under the quiet, mom exterior. I love them because they make me feel cool and confident.

There is a time and a place for pajama pants and ratty sweatshirts but I am going to take a leaf from my daughter’s book and put more effort into wearing the things that make me feel the most like me. I shall be going through life in gloriously clompy boots with a bouncy teenager in a pin-covered jacket by my side. It sounds like a good way to live.