“I Want to Go to Scotland”

In August of 2019, my daughter and I went on a trip to Scotland. We had the time of our lives. It was one of those magical trips where everything was perfect. You can read a little about that trip here. Our flight home was canceled and we received compensation from the airline. We put that money aside and told Celia that she and I would return to Scotland when she graduated from high school.

Little did we know that that promise would become a lifeline that she and I would cling to for the next four years. We had taken the original trip because life had been stressful and hard for a variety of reasons. My grandmother gave me some money and my husband suggested that we give Celia a break from the stress and she and I go on vacation. The trip was lovely but when we returned home the stress escalated. The other family members had worsening health issues. The world shut down because of Covid. We ended up moving 600 miles away from friends and family. The list goes on and on. It was hard, just as life has been hard for many people over the last few years.

Celia and I clung to the idea of another trip. And that phrase, “I want to go to Scotland,” became a gauge, a mantra, a way of judging how the other one was coping. It could mean so much depending on how it was said. It could mean we missed each other and hadn’t spent enough time together. It could mean we wanted something as simple as a meal we had enjoyed. It could mean “I am overwhelmed and I need some support.” It could mean that life was just too much right in the moment and we wanted to run away. It was shorthand for all the things that were simply too much to talk about sometimes.

Last summer Celia graduated from high school and it was time to make good on our promise. The money was still set aside but prices had increased drastically. I spent months stalking airfare and hotel prices. Finally, I found deals and in April Celia and I went back to Scotland.

We had talked about staying in a different city and doing different things but it became obvious that what Celia wanted was to recreate that magical week when everything went right. That made me a little nervous. How do you recreate magic? I don’t know but somehow we did it.

We stayed in the same hotel and ate at some of the same restaurants. We walked the same streets and visited some of the same shops. Some things were different such as the castles we visited but much was the same. The perpetually rainy weather of Scotland cleared in honor of our visit. And once again we had the time of our lives.

We are home now and life is still stressful. Some issues just never go away and things can be hard. But we made magic twice and Celia and I are confident that one of these years we can do it again. For now, when life gets to be too much we look at each other and say the phrase we have been using for almost five years.

“I want to go to Scotland.”