{"id":403,"date":"2015-11-03T12:29:00","date_gmt":"2015-11-03T12:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/2015\/11\/03\/tips-for-happy-marriage\/"},"modified":"2020-10-28T17:36:51","modified_gmt":"2020-10-28T17:36:51","slug":"tips-for-happy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/2015\/11\/03\/tips-for-happy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips for a Happy Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Today is our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. \u00a0I thought about putting up a picture from our wedding but my husband is a private person and wouldn’t want that so you will just have to imagine it. If you picture me with a perm and wearing a gown with a big bow in the back you will be right on target. \u00a0In my defense, everyone had perms in 1990 and all wedding gowns had huge bows.<\/p>\n

So, how have we stayed married for twenty-five years, you ask? \u00a0(Let’s just pretend you want to know because I want to talk about it. \u00a0That is how this blogging thing works.) \u00a0So here are my tips for a happy marriage. \u00a0(And just to be clear, I don’t think I have it all figured out. \u00a0These are just the things I have learned over the last twenty-five years.)<\/p>\n

The wedding isn’t the end, it is the beginning. \u00a0Don’t get so caught up in planning the wedding that you forget you are planning a marriage.<\/p>\n

Communicate. \u00a0I feel like an advice columnist but honestly, talk to each other. \u00a0Listen to each other too. Maybe I am not particularly interested in exactly how the engine on his motorcycle works (welcome to my world) but I can bet he also isn’t particularly interested in the plot of the latest novel I read. \u00a0But we are interested in each other. \u00a0And who knows, maybe someday a knowledge of motorcycle engines will come in handy.<\/p>\n

Pick your battles. \u00a0Do you really want to have a big fight about the socks left on the bathroom floor? \u00a0I didn’t think so. \u00a0Save it for the things that matter.<\/p>\n

If you have to argue about something, take your time. \u00a0Don’t hold a grudge and refuse to talk but also don’t jump right in when you are emotional and angry. \u00a0Give yourself time to cool down. \u00a0Go mow the lawn, scrub the tub, bake fifteen batches of cookies, whatever calms you down, and then go back and talk about it a little more rationally.<\/p>\n

He will never be able to find anything in the fridge, even if it is right in front of him. \u00a0Get used to it.<\/p>\n

Give your kids away occasionally. \u00a0Seriously, that is why grandparents were invented. \u00a0Whether it is for an hour, a day, a weekend, spend some time just the two of you.<\/p>\n

To go along with that, don’t make your kids the center of your marriage. \u00a0Of course, they are important. \u00a0Of course, you devote a lot of time to them. However, your goal with kids is to get them to grow up and move out. Your goal with your husband is to get him to grow old with you and never move out. \u00a0Don’t forget that. \u00a0If you give all your time and attention to your kids, what is left when they are gone?<\/p>\n

Find romance in the little things. \u00a0When you are first married you want flowers and chocolate. \u00a0Honestly, I don’t get those very often anymore and that is okay. \u00a0Because now he fills my car with gas when he notices it is empty and he orders the books I leave in the Amazon shopping cart. \u00a0That is romance right there.<\/p>\n

Sometimes life is boring because it just is. \u00a0It can’t be fun and games all the time. \u00a0Don’t mistake a dull patch in your life for boredom in your marriage.<\/p>\n

Marriage can be work. \u00a0We are willing to work for our careers, work to make successes of our children, work at our friendships, but sometimes we expect our marriage to just fall into place. \u00a0Sometimes it does, sometimes you have to work at it. \u00a0Having to work at it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong.<\/p>\n

Have a sense of humor. \u00a0Men are strange creatures. \u00a0I am sure they say the same about us.<\/p>\n

Pay attention to autocorrect. \u00a0Yesterday, when I was texting my husband, it changed “I didn’t hear” to “I didn’t cheat.” \u00a0Good thing I caught that one or he might have really wondered.<\/p>\n

A wise man will never ask you if your period is due when you are upset about something. \u00a0A wise woman will consider whether he has a point when he asks that question. \u00a0Resign yourself to the fact that neither of you is likely to be wise in those circumstances.<\/p>\n

Respect each other’s pet peeves. \u00a0Sometimes it doesn’t matter except for the fact that it matters to him. \u00a0Is it going to kill you to go along with it?<\/p>\n

Be loyal in every sense of the word. \u00a0Be loyal physically, emotionally, verbally. \u00a0A marriage is built on loyalty. \u00a0On love too, of course, but you can have love without loyalty and then the marriage falls apart. \u00a0If you have love and are loyal, your marriage will be strong.<\/p>\n

You will want to kill him occasionally. \u00a0A truly successful marriage is one where you don’t get beyond the planning stages.<\/p>\n

He will want to kill you occasionally. \u00a0Don’t take it too personally. \u00a0After all, didn’t you just want to kill him?<\/p>\n

Be affectionate, and not just in bed. \u00a0Hold hands, hug hello and goodbye, kiss. \u00a0It will keep you close and it will gross out your kids. \u00a0That is a double win in my book.<\/p>\n

If there is something bothering you and it needs to be addressed, speak up. \u00a0Men are not mind readers. \u00a0They also are not always good at picking up on those subtle clues you think you are giving them. \u00a0Give the guy a break and tell him what is going on.<\/p>\n

Be appreciative. \u00a0Don’t get so caught up in what you are doing for the family and your relationship that you forget to thank him for what he does. \u00a0You don’t want to be taken for granted and neither does he.<\/p>\n

Marry someone you enjoy talking to.<\/p>\n

Compromise. \u00a0You don’t always have to get your way even on the big things. \u00a0Sometimes there are two right ways. \u00a0It doesn’t always have to be your way.<\/p>\n

Be forgiving. That means don’t bring it up the next time you are angry. \u00a0No one needs to be reminded of all their past mistakes.<\/p>\n

Agree to disagree. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you will think the same. \u00a0That is what keeps life, and conversation, interesting.<\/p>\n

Make plans for the future. \u00a0Have things to look forward to together.<\/p>\n

So there you have it. \u00a0My tips for a happy marriage. I just counted and I came up with twenty-five, one for each year we have been married. \u00a0That seems appropriate. \u00a0What suggestions do you have?<\/p>\n

And one final thought, I wrote this whole thing including the part about being okay with not getting flowers much anymore. \u00a0Then my husband walked in the door holding flowers. \u00a0That is what keeps marriage interesting. Just as you think you know exactly what your husband is going to do, he surprises you. \u00a0The flowers are beautiful, roses and lilies. \u00a0But I still think books are romantic too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. \u00a0I thought about putting up a picture from our wedding but my husband is a private person and wouldn’t want that so you will just have to imagine it. If you picture me with a perm and wearing a gown with a big bow in the back you will be right on target. \u00a0In my defense, everyone had perms in 1990 and all wedding gowns had huge bows. So, how have we stayed married for twenty-five years, you ask? \u00a0(Let’s just pretend you want to know because I want to talk about it. \u00a0That is how this blogging thing works.) \u00a0So here are my tips for a happy marriage. \u00a0(And just to be clear, I don’t think I have it all figured out. \u00a0These are just the things I have learned over the last twenty-five years.) The wedding isn’t the end, it is the beginning. \u00a0Don’t get so caught up in planning the wedding that you forget you are planning a marriage. Communicate. \u00a0I feel like an advice columnist but honestly, talk to each other. \u00a0Listen to each other too. Maybe I am not particularly interested in exactly how the engine on his motorcycle works (welcome to my world) but I can bet he also isn’t particularly interested in the plot of the latest novel I read. \u00a0But we are interested in each other. \u00a0And who knows, maybe someday a knowledge of motorcycle engines will come in handy. Pick your battles. \u00a0Do you really want to have a big fight about the socks left on the bathroom floor? \u00a0I didn’t think so. \u00a0Save it for the things that matter. If you have to argue about something, take your time. \u00a0Don’t hold a grudge and refuse to talk but also don’t jump right in when you are emotional and angry. \u00a0Give yourself time to cool down. \u00a0Go mow the lawn, scrub the tub, bake fifteen batches of cookies, whatever calms you down, and then go back and talk about it a little more rationally. He will never be able to find anything in the fridge, even if it is right in front of him. \u00a0Get used to it. Give your kids away occasionally. \u00a0Seriously, that is why grandparents were invented. \u00a0Whether it is for an hour, a day, a weekend, spend some time just the two of you. To go along with that, don’t make your kids the center of your marriage. \u00a0Of course, they are important. \u00a0Of course, you devote a lot of time to them. However, your goal with kids is to get them to grow up and move out. Your goal with your husband is to get him to grow old with you and never move out. \u00a0Don’t forget that. \u00a0If you give all your time and attention to your kids, what is left when they are gone? Find romance in the little things. \u00a0When you are first married you want flowers and chocolate. \u00a0Honestly, I don’t get those very often anymore and that is okay. \u00a0Because now he fills my car with gas when he notices it is empty and he orders the books I leave in the Amazon shopping cart. \u00a0That is romance right there. Sometimes life is boring because it just is. \u00a0It can’t be fun and games all the time. \u00a0Don’t mistake a dull patch in your life for boredom in your marriage. Marriage can be work. \u00a0We are willing to work for our careers, work to make successes of our children, work at our friendships, but sometimes we expect our marriage to just fall into place. \u00a0Sometimes it does, sometimes you have to work at it. \u00a0Having to work at it doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong. Have a sense of humor. \u00a0Men are strange creatures. \u00a0I am sure they say the same about us. Pay attention to autocorrect. \u00a0Yesterday, when I was texting my husband, it changed “I didn’t hear” to “I didn’t cheat.” \u00a0Good thing I caught that one or he might have really wondered. A wise man will never ask you if your period is due when you are upset about something. \u00a0A wise woman will consider whether he has a point when he asks that question. \u00a0Resign yourself to the fact that neither of you is likely to be wise in those circumstances. Respect each other’s pet peeves. \u00a0Sometimes it doesn’t matter except for the fact that it matters to him. \u00a0Is it going to kill you to go along with it? Be loyal in every sense of the word. \u00a0Be loyal physically, emotionally, verbally. \u00a0A marriage is built on loyalty. \u00a0On love too, of course, but you can have love without loyalty and then the marriage falls apart. \u00a0If you have love and are loyal, your marriage will be strong. You will want to kill him occasionally. \u00a0A truly successful marriage is one where you don’t get beyond the planning stages. He will want to kill you occasionally. \u00a0Don’t take it too personally. \u00a0After all, didn’t you just want to kill him? Be affectionate, and not just in bed. \u00a0Hold hands, hug hello and goodbye, kiss. \u00a0It will keep you close and it will gross out your kids. \u00a0That is a double win in my book. If there is something bothering you and it needs to be addressed, speak up. \u00a0Men are not mind readers. \u00a0They also are not always good at picking up on those subtle clues you think you are giving them. \u00a0Give the guy a break and tell him what is going on. Be appreciative. \u00a0Don’t get so caught up in what you are doing for the family and your relationship that you forget to thank him for what he does. \u00a0You don’t want to be taken for granted and neither does he. Marry someone you enjoy talking to. Compromise. \u00a0You don’t always have to get your way even on the big things. \u00a0Sometimes there are two right ways. \u00a0It doesn’t always have to be your way. Be forgiving. That means don’t bring it up the next time you are angry. \u00a0No one needs to be reminded of all their past mistakes. Agree to disagree. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you will think the same. \u00a0That is what keeps life, and conversation, interesting. Make plans for the future. \u00a0Have things to look forward to together. So there you have it. \u00a0My tips for a happy marriage. I just counted and I came up with twenty-five, one for each year we have been married. \u00a0That seems appropriate. \u00a0What suggestions do you have? And one final thought, I wrote this whole thing including the part about being okay with not getting flowers much anymore. \u00a0Then my husband walked in the door holding flowers. \u00a0That is what keeps marriage interesting. Just as you think you know exactly what your husband is going to do, he surprises you. \u00a0The flowers are beautiful, roses and lilies. \u00a0But I still think books are romantic too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":511,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[38,12,9,13,45,70,6,71],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-403","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-me","category-happy-things","category-just-chat","category-life","category-marriage","category-me","category-thoughts","category-tips"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=403"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2921,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/403\/revisions\/2921"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=403"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=403"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=403"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}