{"id":292,"date":"2016-10-26T10:44:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-26T10:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/2016\/10\/26\/growing-up-and-letting-go\/"},"modified":"2020-10-28T02:26:17","modified_gmt":"2020-10-28T02:26:17","slug":"growing-up-and-letting-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/2016\/10\/26\/growing-up-and-letting-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Growing Up and Letting Go"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/div>\n
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\"kids<\/a><\/div>\n
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My son turned sixteen earlier this month.<\/p>\n

My son, who not that long ago was sitting on the floor playing with Thomas the Tank Engine, is now old enough to drive.<\/p>\n

That is a scary thought. \u00a0The kid who frequently doesn’t seem completely sure who his body belongs to and where those huge feet came from is old enough to be put in charge of a huge hunk of moving metal and allowed on the road.<\/p>\n

Excuse me while I go lie down for a minute.<\/p>\n

My son tells us that he thinks getting his license is practical because then he can get a job during shop cycle at school and that will be good work experience. \u00a0I listen to my son being practical and reasonable and I nod in agreement, ignore my inner weeping for the loss of my baby, and research learner’s permit requirements. \u00a0Because that is what parents do. \u00a0They help their kids to the edge of the nest and shove them over. \u00a0Then they sit on the edge of the nest and hope madly that their kid will find his wings. \u00a0Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. \u00a0Sometimes it takes a few shoves off the edge before they get the hang of it. \u00a0However, if you don’t shove they may never fly.<\/p>\n

I have had to learn to back off and let him try his wings. \u00a0When he was younger I had to constantly fight the urge to check that he was getting things done, to make sure he was handling situations appropriately. \u00a0We live in a world that tells us that the more involved we are in our children’s lives the better parents we are. \u00a0Of course we want to be close to our kids. \u00a0Of course we want to spend time with them but there is such a thing as too much. \u00a0We cannot and should not live for and through our children. \u00a0They need to live for themselves, make decisions for themselves, even make mistakes for themselves.<\/p>\n

I notice this view of constant parent involvement with my daughter’s homework. \u00a0She is in sixth grade. \u00a0I certainly hope that by now she can keep track of her assignments and remember to do them and hand them in on time. \u00a0Those are basic skills that should have been learned in the very early grades. This year’s teachers seem to have no faith in the kids’ ability to do any of that. \u00a0They are given an assignment and they have to write it down in their planners, then the assignment is emailed to all parents, then the child comes home and does the homework and has the parent sign the planner confirming it was done. \u00a0Then the child returns the homework and planner to school and the planner is signed by the teacher. The teachers still complain that parents are not actively involved in their child’s homework. \u00a0Honestly? \u00a0I don’t want to be actively involved in her homework. \u00a0I have been there, done that, and have no desire to do it again. \u00a0I’ll help if she is stuck on a math problem or something but other than that her homework should be her responsibility.<\/p>\n

If we don’t teach our children to be responsible for the little things and take responsibility when they mess up then how are they going to cope as life goes on and bigger issues face them? \u00a0We cannot and should not always be there to maintain a hedge between them and the rest of the world.<\/p>\n

It is hard. \u00a0I want to go outside and encase our car in a huge roll of bubble wrap just so my son can’t be injured. \u00a0Do you think that would work? \u00a0It might look a bit funny…<\/p>\n

It is hard to let go. \u00a0It is hard to sit back and watch our children live their lives their way. \u00a0It is hard to determine when to provide direction, when to swoop in and help, and when to sit on the edge of the nest and watch.<\/p>\n

It is hard, but when they find their wings, when they soar, you feel like you can soar yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My son turned sixteen earlier this month. My son, who not that long ago was sitting on the floor playing with Thomas the Tank Engine, is now old enough to drive. That is a scary thought. \u00a0The kid who frequently doesn’t seem completely sure who his body belongs to and where those huge feet came from is old enough to be put in charge of a huge hunk of moving metal and allowed on the road. Excuse me while I go lie down for a minute. My son tells us that he thinks getting his license is practical because then he can get a job during shop cycle at school and that will be good work experience. \u00a0I listen to my son being practical and reasonable and I nod in agreement, ignore my inner weeping for the loss of my baby, and research learner’s permit requirements. \u00a0Because that is what parents do. \u00a0They help their kids to the edge of the nest and shove them over. \u00a0Then they sit on the edge of the nest and hope madly that their kid will find his wings. \u00a0Sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. \u00a0Sometimes it takes a few shoves off the edge before they get the hang of it. \u00a0However, if you don’t shove they may never fly. I have had to learn to back off and let him try his wings. \u00a0When he was younger I had to constantly fight the urge to check that he was getting things done, to make sure he was handling situations appropriately. \u00a0We live in a world that tells us that the more involved we are in our children’s lives the better parents we are. \u00a0Of course we want to be close to our kids. \u00a0Of course we want to spend time with them but there is such a thing as too much. \u00a0We cannot and should not live for and through our children. \u00a0They need to live for themselves, make decisions for themselves, even make mistakes for themselves. I notice this view of constant parent involvement with my daughter’s homework. \u00a0She is in sixth grade. \u00a0I certainly hope that by now she can keep track of her assignments and remember to do them and hand them in on time. \u00a0Those are basic skills that should have been learned in the very early grades. This year’s teachers seem to have no faith in the kids’ ability to do any of that. \u00a0They are given an assignment and they have to write it down in their planners, then the assignment is emailed to all parents, then the child comes home and does the homework and has the parent sign the planner confirming it was done. \u00a0Then the child returns the homework and planner to school and the planner is signed by the teacher. The teachers still complain that parents are not actively involved in their child’s homework. \u00a0Honestly? \u00a0I don’t want to be actively involved in her homework. \u00a0I have been there, done that, and have no desire to do it again. \u00a0I’ll help if she is stuck on a math problem or something but other than that her homework should be her responsibility. If we don’t teach our children to be responsible for the little things and take responsibility when they mess up then how are they going to cope as life goes on and bigger issues face them? \u00a0We cannot and should not always be there to maintain a hedge between them and the rest of the world. It is hard. \u00a0I want to go outside and encase our car in a huge roll of bubble wrap just so my son can’t be injured. \u00a0Do you think that would work? \u00a0It might look a bit funny… It is hard to let go. \u00a0It is hard to sit back and watch our children live their lives their way. \u00a0It is hard to determine when to provide direction, when to swoop in and help, and when to sit on the edge of the nest and watch. It is hard, but when they find their wings, when they soar, you feel like you can soar yourself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":967,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children","category-featured"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/292","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=292"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/292\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2787,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/292\/revisions\/2787"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/967"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=292"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=292"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.holdsuponhappiness.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=292"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}