Never Enough

Sometimes you can feel like you are doing it all and it is still never enough.  Maybe it is just a side affect of having kids.  They take you for granted.  Mom always does it.  Mom takes care of it.  Mom is just silly when she worries about that.  Maybe that last one is the one that bothers you right now. You feel like you can never get the balance quite right.  You know you are a worrier and you know sometimes it can get to be a bit much.  But that does not mean that your worrying is never justified.  This world is crazy and life is crazy and kids are crazy and sometimes a little research and a little worrying can be a preemptive strike against the crazy.

It is a fine line and a hard thing to explain to kids.  That kid who always has the stomach aches?  Your worry and research might have found a solution and might make his life a bit better.  And no it is not ridiculous and no it is not silly and no you are not just trying to take all his good food away.  But it is never enough.  Because this time you may be right, but then you worry that all the times of unnecessary worry have inured your kids to the good advice you are now giving.  (And yes, you see the irony of worrying about having worried too much.)

girl in the woods

So it is never enough. Never enough for you, that is.  Because the kids, the kids are fine.  You are their stability so they feel free to say that something is silly, that you are silly, because they are not constantly learning a new job.  But you are.  Because being the mom of an almost 15-year-old is a completely different thing from being the mom of a ten-year-old.  And being the mom of a ten-year-old is completely different from being the mom of a one-year-old.  Your job changes from day to day and so do the people you care for.  So every day is a bit of a worry.  Is this how you handle a teenager?  Is this how you explain puberty to a girl?  Are they old enough to do this?  Are they responsible enough to do that?

boy in the woods

So you worry.  And at the end of the day you set it aside.  Because really, what else can you do?  You have never held this job before.  You are new at it, even at almost 15 years in.  And you always will be new because they are always changing.  So you set aside the idea of it being never enough.  Because to them you are enough.  You are Mom.  You know stuff, you worry about stuff, you nag about stuff, but in the end, they depend on you for stuff.

They love you and you love them.  And that is always enough.

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