Looking Back


Today is the last day of the year and all I have to say is good riddance. It has been a pretty awful year and because it has been awful I have struggled to read and to write blog posts. Well, I have struggled to read books that I want to write blog posts about. I have read plenty but I have read a lot of junk and reread a lot of old favorites. I have many books on my shelves that I am sure I will love and that I am sure I will want to write about but it just sounds like so much effort. I want to have read them but I don't want to read them right now. If I read them now I have to concentrate and mark passages. I have to analyze what I want to say and how I feel. And then, what if I waste a good book on a bad day? What if I read something amazing and don't properly appreciate it because I am too stressed and anxious? The other day I decided I wanted to change this. I wanted to read a big, fat novel; the kind of novel that would take days to read. I pulled a few off my shelves and asked on Twitter which I should choose. The general consensus was that Middlemarch was the best choice. I have reread three books since then but I still haven't started Middlemarch. I will. One of these days. It is still sitting on my coffee table. I look at it longingly and I pick up something else. I just can't. I want to but I can't.

For a long time, I have thought of this as a book blog but over the last year I haven't written very many book reviews. Is it still a book blog? Does it matter? I don't know. I am pretty sure I have lost some readers because I meander my way through blog posts like this one, talking about books but never analyzing books and rarely reviewing books. But at the same time, I used to also write a lot of posts about life, kids, things we did. I don't do that as much lately either because of things going on right now. So much of my life and my thoughts involve the personal business of other family members. I can't write about that.

Where is this going and what is the point of this post? I don't know. I think the spark has been missing from my blog lately and that makes me sad. I am not sure I can do much about that for now. We have to ride out a few things and hope for better times. Maybe then enthusiasm and energy will return.

Not everything about this year has been terrible. My daughter and I went to Scotland and had a wonderful time. My husband and I went to New Hampshire and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I have read some good books. Some of the stresses are starting to improve. My daughter is enjoying her technical high school and just had to choose which shop she is specializing in. The cat had a growth removed from his mouth and does not have cancer. I have discovered that I really like poetry thanks to my "Poem for a Thursday" posts. My husband and I have been able to spend more time together. There are bright spots.

So, what do I want for next year? I want peace and a low-stress life. I want better health for various family members. I want to read really good books. I want to write more. I want to pick up my camera more often. I want to have fun. I want to go places and do things and not merely exist.

I want to look ahead and smile.

14 comments

  1. I'm sorry it's been such a tough year and I hope 2020 holds only good things for you and your family. Happy New Year!

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    1. I am sure we will survive but I certainly hope that 2020 is a bit more peaceful. I hope it is a good year for you as well.

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  2. Your wants list for 2020 is almost identical to mine. Too bad we couldn't do some of these things together ;-)

    It sounds like you're been worn ragged by the past year. I do hope there are more bright spots in 2020 for you. BTW - I've enjoyed your blog very much even though it doesn't always pertain to books.

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    1. Thank you! That is very kind of you. I hope you have time to spend doing the things you enjoy too.

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  3. I hope 2020 will be much less stressful for you all. I remember a time when for years we spent Christmas visiting parents in hospital and it was a big plus when Jack went back to work and was able to say we had had a great time as nobody had died! I think blogs or blogging enthusiasm goes up and down, mind does anyway, but I've really enjoyed yours, the books and the days out, family and even the poems, and I'm not a big fan of poetry. I'm so glad that you have London to look forward to.

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    1. Sometimes we just have to set the bar really low! I hope we all enjoy a relaxing and happy 2020 but I am not too sure our chances are very good. I hope you know I appreciate that you continue to read and comment.

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  4. Just to let you know I enjoy your blog (particularly poetry), and hope 2020 is a much happier year for you.

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  5. Hoping for all the best things for you in 2020!

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  6. Blogging has seasons just like the rest of life. It's okay to have fallow seasons in blogging! I've had times where I didn't blog for months, once up to a year. It's okay. Blog followers come and go, and some who might leave may come back again. This is NOT a job! Blog about what you want to blog about, when you want to.

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    1. I know that is true in theory but I have a bit of trouble applying it in real life. I suppose the world won't end if I don't post for a bit. However, the blog is a constant and, in general, a source of happiness so I keep trying. I do appreciate that you have been reading and commenting for so long.

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